“Where Did You Go?”

Barb, the designated clapper.

Last night I jumped in a minivan with seven other people I’ve known for years and we all drove to Greensboro, NC, chitter-chattering happily along the way, for the showing of our 6-minute film, Just One.

Our film was one of 43 being shown this week as part of the Greensboro 48 Hour Film Project, one branch of the now world-wide competition to write, film, edit, score, and turn in a 4-7 minute-long movie in 48 hours (http://www.48hourfilm.com/). The even greater catch is each team has to incorporate an assigned character, prop, line of dialogue, and a genre/theme pulled out of a hat. The event alternatively goes by, “I Had a Way Better Weekend than You.”

Last Friday evening at 7pm, those 43 teams gathered in a long room to eat, drink, be merry, network, socialize, and at last be given their assignments so they could burst out the doors in a stampede-of-rhinoceroses-type-fashion to go complete the task before Sunday night at the same time. Plumb Line Pictures, our group, was assigned the theme of “Birthday/Anniversary.” All of the teams were given…

Character: Don or Donna Hastert, Plumber
Prop: Crayons
Line of Dialogue: “Where did you go?”

In the end, we produced a quaint bromance about a guy who is trying to forget today was his 5-year anniversary with a girl that broke up with him 3 months prior. His friend comes over to help get his mind off things, and in the end a hot plumber shows up to fix his toilet and he considers asking her out. In my completely unbiased opinion, it was one of the few really excellent films shown last night.

The other categories included:

Comedy
Dark Comedy
Detective/Cop
Fantasy
Film de Femme
Horror
Mockumentary
Musical or Western
Period Piece
Romance
Sci Fi
Superhero
Thriller/Suspense

Additionally, there were Wild Card genres. These were for people who didn’t like the genre drawn from the main list of categories and wanted something new:

Adventure Serial
Coming of Age
Drama
Family Film
Heist
Silent Film
Time Travel Movie
War or Anti-War Film

Plumb Line Pictures, the film division of my improv group, the Unintentionals, has been participating in the 48 Hour Film Project for three years independently now; and three years with another team, Neon Kudzu, making it six years total. I’ve now acted in/written/photographed/crewed/lackeyed/propped/scored/etc. three of those six. They haven’t necessarily been the best of films, but in the end, that’s not the point. The point is we have all had a gigantic blast each year and learned a lot about teamwork, time management, storytelling, filmmaking, and countless other things.

And if, by chance, you were thinking the title had something to do with why I fell off the face of the earth AGAIN… you’re wrong. Basically.

On that note, do stay tuned for more frequent blogging!

~Jess

The Adventure is in the Moment

What is an adventure?  Up until maybe three weeks ago, it was a word that was completely over-thought by yours truly.  There was a pattern, a track I was running along time and time again, searching for the next thing to call my adventure: whether it was something small, like learning how to pick kale, or larger, like getting lost in Nashville and meeting a man who’d walked all the way from Tampa and was now willing to help me find my way.  These things were adventures to me, and I hungered after them.  I relished them only by being so uberly conscious of the fact that they WERE adventures that I was stuck in my head the whole time.  I did it while doing everything; even if I was reading a book, I wouldn’t really be reading it so much: I would be thinking to myself, “Man, I am reading a book!  What a great book this is for me to be reading.  All of the words that I am reading and interestingly constructed sentences I am absorbing are certainly fascinating, and when I am done, I will be able to think about how I read this book!”

Bad, right?  So bad.

How did I reach such a point?  What happened?

I’m trying to think back over my two decades of life and determine an explanation.  From birth to about 12 years old, I was good.  Has anybody coined the term “Puberty is the root of all evil” yet?  If not, that is now my philosophy.  Once I became conscious that I was a human being among other human beings with whom I was in competition for everything, anything pertaining to my existence changed.  I became overly conscious of everything I did, and thought a lot about it.  I was in my head a lot more than I should have been.  I also became horribly discontent that I wasn’t doing other things that other people were doing.

Last summer, I think, was when I finally realized that I wanted to get back to my roots: back to 10-year-old Jessica who would simply exist without thinking, and lived entirely in the moment.  (Of course, I am not saying I want to extract everything “beyond 10” out of me; it would be silly to abandon the slightly more conscientious nature and advanced processing skills I have acquired with my age.)  It’s been a process and will continue to be a process; especially if I start doing lovely things like thinking about how I am being so good at living in the moment (it is a horrible temptation that I have to squash frequently).

A related matter is how often I worry about wasting my time.  I don’t know why I worry about this, since I waste a lot of time worrying about it, and consequently doing MORE things that waste my time because I get so depressed about all of the time that I am wasting.  But that is what happens.

However, I am now officially ready to relinquish all of that worry.  Among other recent circumstances, it was proven absolutely unworthy of ever being in my brain again by a certain night in New Orleans.  Last Wednesday, two other Farm Peeps and I stayed at a Former Farm Peep’s shotgun house just outside the French Quarter.  At about 10 pm, we had eaten dinner and watched a movie when the Former Farm Peep up and announced, “Who is ready to go out?”

“What?!” I exclaimed, a shriek that was almost unheard because of the “Sure!” cheered by my other two fellow guests.

“What do you mean?” Former Farm Peep looked at me queerly.

“Why would we go out?  It’s bed time!”  It is a well-known fact that I am not a nocturnal creature; and, by farm standards, it was past bedtime by a mile.

“But there’s so many jazz clubs to check out,” Former Farm Peep’s earnest persuasion started to work on me with the mention of “jazz,” but I was not as attracted to the word “club.”  Clubs were where people partied and drank and did nothing useful with their lives.  I was a useful person.  I had plans to get up at 6:30 the next morning and go write at the coffee shop up the street.  Staying out all night like a bunch of hooligans was not conducive to such refined literary pursuits.

“I don’t know……” I murmured, looking around for something to look busy doing, and finding nothing.

“Look, Jessica,” Farm Peep #1 chimed in.  “Just come along for a little bit; and if you want to come back home after a while, we’ll walk you back.”

Farm Peep #2 and Former Farm Peep nodded in affirmation.

I squirmed and realized that I officially had no more arguments that did not make me sound entirely unreasonable.

“Yaaaaay!” Farm Peep #2, a person very in-tune to body language, cheered and jumped up and down.

“She’s coming?” Farm Peep #1 and Former Farm Peep brightened.

“I guess,” I groaned.

There was more cheering, and then we all headed out the door and into the night.

(By the way, if you have been imagining me talking to three yellow Marshmallow Peeps this whole time, and not actual people, you are not the only one.  Still, I was talking to actual people…. and maybe I should choose different pronouns next time.)

Frenchman Street at night was probably a hugely toned-down version of Bourbon Street, and I was very okay with that.  There were crowds…. great masses of drunk, obnoxious crowds… but also, there were very cool people doing awesome things, like playing jazz, blues, and bluegrass music, and dancing (composedly) to it.  We went to four different clubs/bars (being me, I really don’t know the difference, so I beseech you to excuse my ignorance), and saw four very different bands.  All of them were fascinating and delightful.

I got to see a side of society I had never been exposed to first-hand, and I really loved it.  Not in the “I want to live that way all the time” kind of way, but I really truly appreciated the experience.  And it was all because:

a) Once it started happening, I dropped all “wasting time” qualms

and

b) I got out of the past, out of the future, and out of my head and simply lived the moment.

I can honestly say it was one of the best nights of my life.  We also met this random guy named David and played tag with him in the inner-city park (that was closed and we had to hop the fence to get into, and I really had to try hard not to worry about being arrested the whole time).  But that is probably another story.

In the words of Nike: “Just do it!”

~Jess

Ask Jess: Realistic Alternatives to College?

Q: I am thinking about putting off college to follow what is currently my one true passion, and that is my love for a certain person. Would it be unwise to focus on making this work instead of going to college?

A: Thank you for the great question!  Love and higher education are two giant decisions in life.  🙂

While I keep a blog “Life Without College”, I sense that you understand that I am not anti-college in any way; I simply acknowledge that it is not the only path to success. That said, I strongly believe that forgoing college to pursue a love interest – no matter how strong – is rather rash, if college is the way in which one wishes to pursue being able to support a family.  Facts are, if you love someone, you want to set up house with them, and most people want to have kids.  And that is just not possible if you don’t have a way to make money; or, at least, enough money to support a family.

On this blog, as you probably know, I often speak of pursuing your passions in life, which college can often hinder, if misused.  And that is not to discredit love, for it is a passion in life.  Unfortunately, nobody makes a living from being in love.

There is nothing saying a person should not pursue love; however, the need to support oneself, and/or a family, becomes immediately important.  The key is being realistic. Therefore, I must say to you that if you seriously do not want to go to college, then you should plan to take steps to pursue another way of making money.

This may mean working at Chick-fil-a to fund you ability to attend entrepreneur seminars, or something similar.  You might start up an online portfolio and build a name for yourself that way through blogging about something you are interested in.  You could travel around the world farming, get you pilot license or SCUBA certification, or have an apprenticeship under a luthier and learn how to make guitars.

The possibilities for what to do with your life are endless, and that is a wonderful thing!  But they must also be acted upon, and that is what I want to stress to you, and everyone out there.  If one makes the decision to not go to college, one needs to take one’s chosen alternative route very seriously.

Here are a couple great and inspiring resources for doing just that:

– Timothy Ferriss is a one-of-a-kind fellow.  An incredible entrepreneur, he has created ways to ensure that he has enough time and money to pursue whatever his current passion might be (for instance, boxing, tango, backpacking in Central America, etc.)  He has written a book called “The Four-Hour Work Week”, and he also keeps a pretty awesome blog about a lot of things.  Here’s the link to his archive for entrepreneurship-related blog posts:  http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/category/entrepreneurship

– Blake Boles is another really extraordinary guy.  When he was in college, he discovered self-directed learning while reading “Dumbing Us Down” by John Taylor Gatto.  6 years later, he now works full-time with self-directed teens and young adults, running his company Unschool Adventures (http://www.unschooladventures.com) and, most recently, starting up his project “Zero Tuition College”, a fantastic alternative to “normal college” that fosters self-directed higher education: http://www.ztcollege.com

The list above will probably be turned into the “Resources” page, which will surely be added to over time.  Stay tuned!

Just Call Me Rip Van Winkle

So, dear readers, perhaps you are wondering what happened to the writer of this blog.  Did she get consumed by a man-eating tiger while on a safari in India?  Did she find El Dorado and promptly get kidnapped and put in some El Doradian dungeon?  Did she fall into a sidewalk chalk picture with Mary Poppins?  Did she get attacked by Twilight fangirls for declaring that Edward and Jacob were both ugly?

No, none of these valiant things occurred; at least, not in real life.  Instead, she was writing a novel.  Again.

Now, here is the lady herself:

Greetings, folks!  It is I, Jess.  I am alive and well.  Like my announcer said in the paragraphs above, I have simply been writing a novel.  You see, November is National Novel Writing Month, which is a challenge to write a 50,000-word novel within the thirty days.  I participated in it last year (you can refer yourself back to my Backstory), and I felt compelled, naturally, to participate this year as well.  The result at the end of four weeks?  51,720 words, 106 pages, of pure gold!  And by gold, I mean… well, not gold.

NaNoWriMo was an interesting experience for me this year, on a number of levels.  You see, last year, I had planned excessively for the novel I wrote.  As in, I had already tried writing it multiple times in the years prior (before I knew about NaNoWriMo); and then, once I signed up for the retreat in Oregon, I basically spent August, September, and October making sure my outlines and character profiles were perfect.  This resulted in me writing a despicably boring book, to me, because I knew everything that was going to happen, and all I had to do was write it out.  No room left for the spontaneity of flying by the ‘pants of my seat’, going with wherever would be exciting to write.

This year, I concluded that it was a horribly bad idea to do that to myself again.  I spent a total of maybe four or five days spread out over several weeks to come up with what I wanted in the novel, and basically left it at that.  The only extra planning I did came in little spurts of ideas that I would quickly jot down in my notebook so I could move on with life.

But as I wrote I still felt like I had planned too much.  I think this is because I felt like I had to stick with something; and that something was the little I had planned.  I ended up beginning the novel with no inciting incident other than, “It was a dark and stormy night, so I decided to go on an adventure.”  Wow, Jess.  Epic storytelling abilities for the win.

What made it harder to write the novel was the fact that during three of NaNoWriMo’s four weeks, I was travelling the country and visiting friends.  This, ladies and gentlemen, was not in the original NaNoWriMo plan; I made the decision to go a week before I peaced out of North Carolina.  And this would have been fine, but for an introvert like me, it is extremely difficult to concentrate and be creative when there is bustle all around, and people you like being with are doing funny and distracting things… and, frankly, you would actually like to visit with them since that is what you came to do in the first place.

After the rough start of the first week, I was basically able to concentrate to some degree or another; and then I finally got into the flow of writing in the third week.  This can be compared to running or swimming a long distance: the first couple of miles or first 500 yards are ridiculous and awful; and then you get in the flow, and you can just keep running or swimming forever, and it feels great.  And, after spending so many days behind on my word count (and even coming down with a killer virus over Thanksgiving weekend), I finished a day early with almost an extra 2,000 words tacked on to the end.

That is certainly not to say it is The Great American Novel.  It is more like The Great and Terrible Solid, Visual Form of Jessica’s Brain for the Month of November 2010.  It is all over the place.  It basically has no point.  It’s dramatic, hilarious, irrelevant, rambling, improbable, nonsensical, and certainly Not Like It Was Supposed to Go.  But you know what?  It doesn’t matter.  What matters is I DID IT.

This is my second time doing NaNoWriMo; technically, my third, since I also tried to do my own NaNoWriMo challenge in June.  I did not make it to 50,000 words either of those times; in November, I made it to 47,000, and in June I made it to 43,000.   So, this is the first time I have ever made it to 50,000 words in the required time.  Needless to say, I feel extremely accomplished.  I danced around the house for the next few days… and now, looking back, I want to dance again.

So, folks, that is what I have been up to in my absence!  What about you?

And what’s next for me?  Well, getting caught up on blogging, first of all.  I have a few “Ask Jess” entries that will be popping up very soon in the future!  Then I’ll tell you about my 2011 plans… how’s that?

Happy Winter, everyone!

~Jess

That Green Grass is Talking – Being Realistic

I very often feel like there is some unspoken unschooler competition to one-up each other in what amazing, epic adventures we all can have in as short amount of time as possible.  I am quite certain I am not the only one who feels this, but I could be wrong.

The thing that every human being has to come to terms with eventually, no matter their background, is that the grass is always greener.  That rings so true, and it hurts.  Imagine being some epic-looking person like a Cirque du Soleil acrobat.  That must be the most amazing job in the world, right?  Well, actually… I can’t exactly speak for them, but I know just from spending half of my life doing dance and theatre that it gets boring doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.  And Cirque du Soleil performances are 5 times a week at least, for a year or more (most shows running now have been running for years, though I am sure that not all the performers stay in the shows their entire run considering things like getting old and whatnot).  They all probably wished they had an exciting office job.

I know I said 3 whole entries ago that I would touch on being realistic “in the next entry”… and by that, I of course meant “the next entry that is not an ‘ask Jess’ entry.”

The problem with the “Must do Epic Things at All Times” mentality is that, while it is good to realize you can do epic things with your life, it is impossible to be doing epic things all the time. Dishes must be washed.  Laundry must be done.  Sanity must be kept up by taking time to relax and read a book, or go out for coffee with friends.

Who is telling you that you must only do epic things all the time anyway??  That grass that looks greener is who.  Yes, it’s talking.  Kind of like Audrey 2.  And, yes, it will eat you alive.

This is a tough, tough lesson to learn; at least, it has been for me.  It comes down to CMAWOT Syndrome: Caring Too Much About What Others Think.  (Pronounced “SEE-ma-what”.  Trust me on this. )  It lives in all of us, to an extent (there is a spectrum, you see.)  It starts about the “middle school” age, regardless whether you are homeschooled or not, and slowly eats up the part of our brains that allow us to think for ourselves.  It’s normally cured only by a painful slap in the face, unless counteracted early by rare personalities.  There has not yet been a test invented to find out who does and doesn’t have this Rare Personality at a young age.

Anyway, enough of that.

It’s true, though.  You’d better believe it.

Jessica’s Not Entirely Fool-Proof Method for Attempting to Get Over CMAWOT Syndrome to Some Extent or Another:

(Remember, I’m not a life coach.  I’m just attempting to put into steps some stuff I’ve had to do to myself recently.  Please berate me with incessant questions on what the heck I mean.)

You need to take some serious time alone, or time talking to one or two really, really good friends whom you know will be honest with you.  (I would have just suggested time alone, but then I remembered that I’m an introvert and I’d better attempt to come up with options for my extraverted readers.)  And really take the time.  Set aside a whole day, or even several days to a week.  Go somewhere you feel completely calm and comfortable, and where you feel you are able to think clearly.  This varies for each person, so I won’t tell you it’s definitely your house, or definitely the public gardens, or definitely across the country in a giant bookstore.  Just pick a place with the comfort of your soul in mind.  It’s pretty much very important.

When you are in this place, with yourself or with your friend (read extraverts: NOT YOUR ENTIRE POSSE), and you have calmed down your mind, begin to slowly think.  That’s right.  Slowly.  Think.  At the same time.  It’s hard.

Think back to when you were younger.  Say, between the ages of 8 and 11.  What did you do with yourself then?  How did you act?  Who were you, back in the day when you didn’t care what others thought?  What would you be doing now if suddenly God gave you magical powers to never ever care what people thought, or how what you’re doing looks?

That’s just the first step, and I do implore you now to ask yourself some questions of your own.  I can’t think of all the questions myself, unfortunately.

Next, start making logistical plans for ALL of the things you want to do, and balance that against realistic means for doing them.  Notice that it is really stupid do do all of those things.  Repent.

Okay, don’t repent.  Just cry a little and have a moment or two of utter humbleness.  It’s alright, you’ll feel better about things soon.

Okay, math time!  The next step is to divide step one (childhood loves and actions) into step two (logistical failure).  Or maybe it’s the other way around…. well, anyway, divide one into the other as you see fit.  The answer will be something like 2, remaining pi.

That is to say, you will have a couple of options to seriously look at, with the comfort of knowing that they are really what you want to do.

Make sense?

I believe I will elaborate more on this in my next/a later entry.  My brain is about run out of steam.  My only hope is that I conveyed myself at least slightly.  Don’t hesitate to let me know your thoughts on my sentiments, and if my advice helps!  (Truth is, y’all may be wayyy ahead of this individual.)

Till next time!

~Jess

 

Ask Jess: Dropping Out and Parental Liberation

Q: What would you recommend to a college freshmen wanting to leave school to find out her passions? Mostly as how to support oneself without the help of her parents?

A: Well, in answer to the first question, my answer would be the Nike slogan: “Just do it!” I know it isn’t so entirely simple as that for each person, but no matter how you approach it for yourself, that is the best attitude to take upon yourself.

As for the second question: supporting oneself is very situational; how to do it varies greatly with what you will be doing with yourself once you are out of college. I have a portable part-time job that doesn’t pay a whole lot, but it is enough foundationally to get by on, while leaving me time to do work-trades and/or have other part- or full-time jobs as I travel around. I also go home sometimes: I don’t want to encourage any sort of mooching off of one’s parents/guardians, but usually parents are very willing to help you in your efforts to get on your own two feet financially.

I’ll speak from my own experience, and from experiences of other friends who have moved out temporarily or permanently: don’t do it too soon, or too rashly, and make sure your motivations are in check and you don’t want to move out for the wrong reasons, e.g., “just to move out” or “to get away from parental control.”

So, a good thing to do is, if you are planning to stay in the same area for now, to stay in your parents’ home; but if you are looking into traveling and/or working/learning elsewhere, then that can be considered more of an official liberation from your parents’ financial help.

Again, I do not want to encourage mooching, but I think that if you ask, your parents would be (again) glad to help you in other ways. For instance, on a couple of occasions, my dad has provided free plane flights with extra frequent flier miles, or my mom has sent $20 in the mail for train food or something. Other times, “financial help” simply comes in the form of business ideas or budgeting advice. And, also, remember that every once and a while asking for money can’t hurt that bad – I mean, it beats paying $20,000 a year for your college education, if you ask me.

Leaving school is the #1 best way to find your passions, guaranteed. Lots of people will probably tell you it’s a foolish choice, but if you feel that obstinately sticking your nose in the air at such comments just won’t do and that you must assure them of something, just tell such naysayers that you’ll probably go back once you’ve found a reason to; if they question that, just explain to them (since they are oh-so-willing to keep up a conversation) that college is tunnel vision all the way; if a person doesn’t know what their specific goals for college are going into it, it’s not very likely those goals are going to be discovered during those 4 years. Passions are discovered just by living a free life!! Live it up, I say!

Good luck! Let me know if you have any more questions. 🙂

Ask Jess: Fear of Success?

Q: A lot of people tend to panic as they get close to a goal (because after investing so much of oneself in it, the possibility of it not working out gets scarier) and then back out. What would you say to them? Do you ever feel that way?

A: I definitely feel that way sometimes. Actually, I feel that way most of the time, when it comes to just about anything not having to do with normal, everyday life. Which, interestingly, happens a lot.

If I felt compelled to speak my mind to someone who was panicking or seriously felt like backing out of a certain goal, no matter how close or far away they were, I would start by helping them examine why they started feeling this way in the first place.

One thing I might ask first is, “Are you afraid of it not working out, or are you afraid of it not working out this certain way?” Because, the truth is, things work out more often than not. I personally think that the harder thing for us to come to terms with is that nothing is going to be exactly like it looks in our imaginations.

There is also the fear (fear is core issue) of the unknown. No matter how far along a person is to a goal, no matter how much of it they have already accomplished, and no matter how much research they have done in order to be as confident and competent as possible, there is going to be fear of the unknown. If a person has recorded an album, sold countless copies, gotten it produced, and only has to sign on the dotted line for a five-year contract with a reputable record company, that person, who has already accomplished so many goals-within-goals, is probably scared out of their wits. What if I make it big? What if I don’t? What if I can’t write enough songs to keep them happy, or what if I start writing horrible songs, or I contract chronic laryngitis? What if I hate being a star, or turn into a pompous jerk who drinks all the time?

After prompting them to think about their real reasons, I would ask for them to think of reasons why all this worry might not be necessary. (If they are in an unreasonable mood, the answer will probably be “yes”, but that would be the point at which I shake my head and tell them to try again.) After that, I think I will have put enough things in their head to think critically about for a while; so I would probably then pat them on the knee, tell them “DON’T DO IT. DON’T YOU DARE GIVE UP YOU SILLY.” And leave them to ponder.

Fear of Success is about as common as eating apples. I don’t know if anybody doesn’t have it. We just have to watch out for it if we ever want to get anything done! Also, like I said in my last blog entry about dreaming and accomplishing goals (https://lifewithoutcollege.wordpress.com/2010/09/29/dreams-vs-reality-fearless-following/), most goals are progressive, with many steps which are accomplished steps in themselves. So one last piece of advice I would give anyone is to look at where they are right now, and the things which they have already accomplished. How did you come to where you are now? What were your fears? How did you overcome those fears?

Dreams vs. Reality: Fearless Following

“How far would you go if you knew you could live your dream for sure?”

My dad often asks me this, and I often sigh reluctantly and sit in silence, pretending to think and hoping that the subject will magically change.  I wouldn’t be willing to spend two whole years building any sort of anything fully or partially related to dreams I would want to accomplish.  I have things to do in those two years!  Why would I want to spend them creating a business that would set me up for life financially?  Why would I want to spend so much time starting a chinchilla rescuing organization that is big and really reaches out when I just want to create something small so I have more time to go and do those five internships I am counting on getting in the next twelve months?

The next entry will elaborate a little more on the concept of “being realistic.”  Right now, let’s just talk dreams.

Dreams are meant to be accomplished, not stewed in your brain till you give up on them and move on to whatever complacency you were comfortable in before.   The reason we do this is that we have to work for them, and work hard; oftentimes, we become afraid of that hard work.  It’s natural – I’m not pointing any fingers, because I quite guilty of running from hard things myself.

But what if we were really willing to work for our dreams?  Could we conceivably believe in ourselves?  Or maybe we don’t actually.  Maybe it’s just too hard, or the dreams too far out to actually come true.  They are called dreams for a reason, right?

I don’t think so.

So how far would you be willing to work?  How far would you be willing to go?  How high would you climb?  How long would you take?  What would you do if you knew you could live your dreams for sure?

This is a two-step process, the dreaming and the working for the dream.  But you have to do the dreaming first, right?  Right.  Here are some things to keep in mind:

Make sure to dream big.  Don’t limit yourself.  If you want to be a famous author, singer, or movie star, dream it!  At the same time, don’t limit yourself in the opposite way – if you want to be a farmer, prep cook, or a ditch digger, those are not simple, undignified dreams.  Whatever YOUR dream is, dream it YOUR big and don’t let anybody else define it for you.

You’re never done – always doing.  I believe it’s a common misconception that there is a point in our lives in which we “accomplish our life goal.”  Yes, I suppose that applies if your one life goal is one very concrete and specific thing, such as skydiving with your true love over southern New Zealand; however, is that really the one and only thing that you have lived your entire life to do, and now you can live mundanely and be bored for the rest of your existence?

I am a “List o’ Goals” maker.  Things to do in my life are always popping up in my head, and I have to write them all down in order to keep track of them.  One thing that was on my list for basically my entire life was, “Be the one who holds the snake.”  To me, this meant that I, for once, would be the person holding the snake and showing him to other people, namely kids, educating them on how amazing snakes are, and, best of all, letting them pet the snake.  I had always wanted to do this because I was always that kid who got to pet the snake that the person was holding, but I couldn’t hold it myself/take care of it for legal reasons, of course.  As I grew older, I became more and more discontent with this role, and was determined that it shouldn’t be forever.  It was a big, important goal of mine, which I recently got to accomplish while working at the wildlife center this spring.

After working my first festival (where I met many little Jessicas), I came home beaming, talked forever about it, and wrote a very long entry in my journal.   And, while I felt very accomplished, it was then that I realized that this was not a finite point, or the end of this goal necessarily.  It was just the kick-off.  I wasn’t discontent; to the contrary, I felt amazing.

All of that to say, goals are very progressive, which is a little hard to see when just dreaming them up.  Some people like to plan out their goals in steps of smaller goals; personally, I like to just set a goal and see what comes of it.  “Live in a hostel” became a work-trade in the beautiful town of Ashland that planted the seed for an interest in the hospitality business.  “Work at a summer camp” became a dishwashing position at one of the freest and most accepting summer camps outside of unschool camps which wants to hire me back next year.  “Travel to cool and interesting places” became an undying wanderlust, all because I finally decided that maybe if I actually went somewhere for a change, the concept would become a little more like second nature.

Doubt is inevitable.  So, what are you going to do about it?  Cures for doubt are not one-size-fits all: different people have different ways of dealing with different types of doubt for different things.  But when it comes to dreams, doubt plays your biggest antagonist, so the first and best thing to do is nip it in the bud, and beware of it at all times, because like telemarketers and little siblings, it doesn’t just go away.

On that note: also beware that occasionally, doubt comes in the form of laziness.  Don’t be fooled.

Live in the moment, for the moment.  One thing I have to fairly regularly remind myself is to stay in the present.  Being the dreamer that I am, it is often easy for me to get caught up dreaming and planning and working out details that don’t need to be worked out for another three months, or packing two weeks in advance, etc.  I am very guilty of not living as fully in the moment as I could.  I am aware of it, and I am very aware that I end up not being entirely in the present, which could even consist of things I planned!  It’s a horrible habit that I have to consciously work on.  I’m not saying I’m never “there” or that I never enjoy things; I just have to be careful sometimes.

That said, I just want to remind everyone to “do what I say, not what I do.”  Half the things I plan don’t end up happening anyway, because I plan too far in the future, and then life happens, interests grow, fade, and change, and different and invariably better things actually happen.  Having some structure and planning of great things is okay, but flexibility is very important (ALSO more on that later).

All in all, never forget that you only live on this earth once.  The least you can do is not purposefully do something you would rather not do.  Like I said, in my next entry I will talk more on the subject of being realistic.  For now, just dream, for real.

Here’s an “assignment” (no cringing allowed!): in May when I worked on the Homeschool Leadership Retreat, one day Blake had everyone, staff and campers, write down a list of 100 goals that we would like to accomplish in our lives.  Believe it or not, it took me a good part of the day to think of 100 things, but I did it, and had lots of fun.

Some I have already accomplished now, like:

30. Dye my hair blonde (it looked horrible)

Some I have accomplished but I have to keep up, like:

89. Write much more often; every day if possible

Some I’ve technically done but were not concretely defined:

49. Get better at tango (since I made the list, I have gotten much better, but I still want to get even better than that).

Some I have recently made plans to accomplish in the very near future, like:

43. Go WWOOFing (the majority of what I will be doing next “semester”)

Some are set far in the future and rather depend on other people:

20. Be an old maid librarian who keeps a live albino Burmese python in the natural sciences section

And some I might actually not get to do, and I won’t be crestfallen if it’s the case, but I would certainly do them if I was in a situation where they would be possible:

64. Play classical guitar on a gondola in the Venice twilight

So here is what you should do RIGHT NOW, or over the next 24 hours or so as you have time: make your own list of 100 goals.  No less, though more than 100 is certainly acceptable.  And feel free to list some/most/all of them in the comments here if you’d like!  I would love to see what y’all come up with.

~Jess

Be Yourself – But Please Conform

Even as someone who was homeschooled my entire life, I still get at least the backlash of this contradictory 21st century message.  It’s rather bothersome, and I can only imagine that it is worse for those who have met with it face-to-face for most of their lives.

Society claims to teach individuality.  When you’re young, you are told you can be anything when you grow up.  I took that message very seriously, I don’t know about you guys.  That was for the first 15 years… then, they change it around.  “Well, you can be whatever you want, but right now we have to focus on getting into college.  And, by the way, whatever you want to be when you grow up, you have to find a college that has that major and study the dickens out of it.  And if they don’t have your interest as a major, forget about it.  Pick another major.  And, by the way, if you don’t know what you want to do… go to college anyway.  You won’t be wasting your time, and surely you will figure it out eventually.”

In college, they are very big on you grasping these great and foreign concepts of “creativity” and “critical thinking.”  They even have classes on it.  My homeschooled friend took one, and actually it sounds like fun, but that is beside the point.  I thought creativity and critical thinking were things you picked up just from existing in real life.

So what is wrong that colleges feel like they have to teach something natural to people 18+?  Or IS there something wrong?

I suppose that is a little off track.  The point of that is, I think somewhere along the way we must (or must be assumed to) have lost creativity and critical thinking skills to the point that they must be emphatically re-taught in college.

Anyway.  So our dear society teaches us to be individuals for a while, and then it changes around (right at the time of the teenage identity crises) and says you must fit in a box with everyone else.  Suddenly, dreams are forgotten and replaced with an artificial motivation to get into college and study something that “probably sounds good… I guess, anyway…”

I do not in any way claim that this is what always happens to every person, or even that it is oh-so-very-bad.  It’s just not in any way ideal.  If you ask me, I would much rather go to college with a purpose.  My purpose that I have decided for myself.  And I may, one day.

I would like everyone to go to college with a purpose.  That is, everyone who chooses to go to college.  Hence, this blog.

Stranded in the Adirondack Wilderness: Thoughts on Learning

Hello all! In case you were wondering, I do happen to still be alive and well. If you weren’t wondering, too bad, because now you know anyway.

I will hopefully start posting more entries again soon, but at the moment I am short on time. In my previous entry I mentioned I was getting ready to leave Oregon soon for a job as a dishwasher at a summer camp in upstate NY. I have been here for a month now, and boy, what a lifestyle change! Camp Unirondack is situated on Beaver Lake in the Adirondack mountains. We have cabins for campers and counselors, and staff; a big lodge, a kitchen and mess hall, an outdoor pavilion, a shower house, an art shop down on the water’s edge with a boathouse underneath, a waterfront, a campfire circle… it is impossible to be bored here. I do dishes for 110 people 3 times a day and keep the kitchen as squeaky clean as possible; then I devote some more time to continuing to do customer service for my dad; and I am still trucking away at my novel that I started in Ashland.

“STILL working on that novel, Jessica?? I thought you were supposed to finish it way back when.”

Too bad. It’s become a lot more complicated than I originally planned. Novels do that to you sometimes.

Occasionally I feel a bit stagnant here because my job here does not directly coincide with some sort of skill-gaining experience. I am now an expert with steel wool, can run the dish sanitizer by ear, and stack plates like a mad woman. However, at the end of the day I have not learned how to handle a raptor or bandage a seal fin or something that feels more relevant to what I ultimately want to do with my life. It often feels like I am just doing this for the money. Sure, I am surrounded by beauty, inspiration, and great new friends. But why am I here?

It’s interesting how humbling this realization is. “I’m a worldschooler;” I would proudly proclaim not that long ago; “I learn from everything.”

Have I been stumped?

I could blame my surroundings for not being things I could learn from, but is that really fair? I think one can choose to learn from something or not learn from it. Perhaps I have been unintentionally choosing to ignore all the information and experience that is right in front of my face; maybe I am even going so far as to say, “that’s not a learning opportunity, that’s just life stuff.”

Perhaps a good exercise for me would be to stand back, look at my month here so far, and ask myself: what have I learned? What am I currently learning? What am I going to learn for my remaining month?

What have I learned here at Unirondack? I’ve learned all about industrial kitchen sanitation. I’ve learned how to operate a musical theatre workshop. I’ve learned that I can figure out and memorize an entire song from Sweeney Todd on piano in three days. I’ve learned that if I get insufficient amounts of sleep for 3 weeks in a row my body’s immune system all but disappears completely. I’ve learned about loons because they’re all over the place here and very intriguing. I’ve learned that maybe I am a more extraverted person than I thought (which is why I have an issue with getting sufficient amounts of sleep). I’ve learned how to work with the people I live with, and live with the people I work with. I’ve learned about human nature, and how we are all so afraid to be ourselves, or to show that we have souls. I’ve learned how easy it is to fall into temptations of judgement and gossip. I’ve learned more about communication and its importance than I think I ever would have picked up anywhere else. I’ve learned it takes a long walk in the rain, or a day sitting and writing in the woods, or a kayak expedition to really ground me. I’ve learned the importance of ever being grounded and never forgetting myself.

What am I learning? Well, I am still learning a lot of the things I listed as things I’ve learned. I am not sure it’s quite right to say I have fully learned anything, so perhaps the last question should just be this question, but never mind. I am still learning how to love completely, how to not assume anything about anybody; how someone at first sight may seem like someone you never want to get to know; but later, they turn out to be your best friend. I’m learning who my true friends are here; what people build me up and what people tear me down. I am learning how to be a builder-upper and not a tearer-downer. I am learning from example of all my fellow staff members the virtue of perseverance, and I am learning self-control so I can get work done; so I can write; so I can have time alone to recharge; so I can sleep.

What do I want to learn? I want to learn how a summer camp runs and how to communicate with campers. I want to learn how to be a blessing to other people and not a curse. I don’t know if I am a curse, but it’s much better to be a blessing regardless of what I am when I am not being a blessing. I want to learn how to play guitar and write poetry better. I want to learn about different people’s lives by listening to them talk and observing their interactions here. I want to learn about other people’s skills and interests and see what doors have opened and will open for them. I want to learn contentment. I want to learn about more of the animals here; such as the 7,000 different species of moths I see flying around every day, and which half of the staff is unjustifiably frightened of. I want to learn how to dance better. I want to learn how to be the best person I can be so I can go home and show my family how I’ve changed for good.

There really is so much to learn here. It may not be directly “educational”, but maybe the biggest thing I am learning now is that the school of life has a time and place for that. It’s comforting to know.

~Jess