Ask Jess: Realistic Alternatives to College?

Q: I am thinking about putting off college to follow what is currently my one true passion, and that is my love for a certain person. Would it be unwise to focus on making this work instead of going to college?

A: Thank you for the great question!  Love and higher education are two giant decisions in life.  :-)

While I keep a blog “Life Without College”, I sense that you understand that I am not anti-college in any way; I simply acknowledge that it is not the only path to success. That said, I strongly believe that forgoing college to pursue a love interest – no matter how strong – is rather rash, if college is the way in which one wishes to pursue being able to support a family.  Facts are, if you love someone, you want to set up house with them, and most people want to have kids.  And that is just not possible if you don’t have a way to make money; or, at least, enough money to support a family.

On this blog, as you probably know, I often speak of pursuing your passions in life, which college can often hinder, if misused.  And that is not to discredit love, for it is a passion in life.  Unfortunately, nobody makes a living from being in love.

There is nothing saying a person should not pursue love; however, the need to support oneself, and/or a family, becomes immediately important.  The key is being realistic. Therefore, I must say to you that if you seriously do not want to go to college, then you should plan to take steps to pursue another way of making money.

This may mean working at Chick-fil-a to fund you ability to attend entrepreneur seminars, or something similar.  You might start up an online portfolio and build a name for yourself that way through blogging about something you are interested in.  You could travel around the world farming, get you pilot license or SCUBA certification, or have an apprenticeship under a luthier and learn how to make guitars.

The possibilities for what to do with your life are endless, and that is a wonderful thing!  But they must also be acted upon, and that is what I want to stress to you, and everyone out there.  If one makes the decision to not go to college, one needs to take one’s chosen alternative route very seriously.

Here are a couple great and inspiring resources for doing just that:

- Timothy Ferriss is a one-of-a-kind fellow.  An incredible entrepreneur, he has created ways to ensure that he has enough time and money to pursue whatever his current passion might be (for instance, boxing, tango, backpacking in Central America, etc.)  He has written a book called “The Four-Hour Work Week”, and he also keeps a pretty awesome blog about a lot of things.  Here’s the link to his archive for entrepreneurship-related blog posts:  http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/category/entrepreneurship

- Blake Boles is another really extraordinary guy.  When he was in college, he discovered self-directed learning while reading “Dumbing Us Down” by John Taylor Gatto.  6 years later, he now works full-time with self-directed teens and young adults, running his company Unschool Adventures (http://www.unschooladventures.com) and, most recently, starting up his project “Zero Tuition College”, a fantastic alternative to “normal college” that fosters self-directed higher education: http://www.ztcollege.com

The list above will probably be turned into the “Resources” page, which will surely be added to over time.  Stay tuned!

That Green Grass is Talking – Being Realistic

I very often feel like there is some unspoken unschooler competition to one-up each other in what amazing, epic adventures we all can have in as short amount of time as possible.  I am quite certain I am not the only one who feels this, but I could be wrong.

The thing that every human being has to come to terms with eventually, no matter their background, is that the grass is always greener.  That rings so true, and it hurts.  Imagine being some epic-looking person like a Cirque du Soleil acrobat.  That must be the most amazing job in the world, right?  Well, actually… I can’t exactly speak for them, but I know just from spending half of my life doing dance and theatre that it gets boring doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.  And Cirque du Soleil performances are 5 times a week at least, for a year or more (most shows running now have been running for years, though I am sure that not all the performers stay in the shows their entire run considering things like getting old and whatnot).  They all probably wished they had an exciting office job.

I know I said 3 whole entries ago that I would touch on being realistic “in the next entry”… and by that, I of course meant “the next entry that is not an ‘ask Jess’ entry.”

The problem with the “Must do Epic Things at All Times” mentality is that, while it is good to realize you can do epic things with your life, it is impossible to be doing epic things all the time. Dishes must be washed.  Laundry must be done.  Sanity must be kept up by taking time to relax and read a book, or go out for coffee with friends.

Who is telling you that you must only do epic things all the time anyway??  That grass that looks greener is who.  Yes, it’s talking.  Kind of like Audrey 2.  And, yes, it will eat you alive.

This is a tough, tough lesson to learn; at least, it has been for me.  It comes down to CMAWOT Syndrome: Caring Too Much About What Others Think.  (Pronounced “SEE-ma-what”.  Trust me on this. )  It lives in all of us, to an extent (there is a spectrum, you see.)  It starts about the “middle school” age, regardless whether you are homeschooled or not, and slowly eats up the part of our brains that allow us to think for ourselves.  It’s normally cured only by a painful slap in the face, unless counteracted early by rare personalities.  There has not yet been a test invented to find out who does and doesn’t have this Rare Personality at a young age.

Anyway, enough of that.

It’s true, though.  You’d better believe it.

Jessica’s Not Entirely Fool-Proof Method for Attempting to Get Over CMAWOT Syndrome to Some Extent or Another:

(Remember, I’m not a life coach.  I’m just attempting to put into steps some stuff I’ve had to do to myself recently.  Please berate me with incessant questions on what the heck I mean.)

You need to take some serious time alone, or time talking to one or two really, really good friends whom you know will be honest with you.  (I would have just suggested time alone, but then I remembered that I’m an introvert and I’d better attempt to come up with options for my extraverted readers.)  And really take the time.  Set aside a whole day, or even several days to a week.  Go somewhere you feel completely calm and comfortable, and where you feel you are able to think clearly.  This varies for each person, so I won’t tell you it’s definitely your house, or definitely the public gardens, or definitely across the country in a giant bookstore.  Just pick a place with the comfort of your soul in mind.  It’s pretty much very important.

When you are in this place, with yourself or with your friend (read extraverts: NOT YOUR ENTIRE POSSE), and you have calmed down your mind, begin to slowly think.  That’s right.  Slowly.  Think.  At the same time.  It’s hard.

Think back to when you were younger.  Say, between the ages of 8 and 11.  What did you do with yourself then?  How did you act?  Who were you, back in the day when you didn’t care what others thought?  What would you be doing now if suddenly God gave you magical powers to never ever care what people thought, or how what you’re doing looks?

That’s just the first step, and I do implore you now to ask yourself some questions of your own.  I can’t think of all the questions myself, unfortunately.

Next, start making logistical plans for ALL of the things you want to do, and balance that against realistic means for doing them.  Notice that it is really stupid do do all of those things.  Repent.

Okay, don’t repent.  Just cry a little and have a moment or two of utter humbleness.  It’s alright, you’ll feel better about things soon.

Okay, math time!  The next step is to divide step one (childhood loves and actions) into step two (logistical failure).  Or maybe it’s the other way around…. well, anyway, divide one into the other as you see fit.  The answer will be something like 2, remaining pi.

That is to say, you will have a couple of options to seriously look at, with the comfort of knowing that they are really what you want to do.

Make sense?

I believe I will elaborate more on this in my next/a later entry.  My brain is about run out of steam.  My only hope is that I conveyed myself at least slightly.  Don’t hesitate to let me know your thoughts on my sentiments, and if my advice helps!  (Truth is, y’all may be wayyy ahead of this individual.)

Till next time!

~Jess

 

Motivation, Prioritizing, and Time Management

“Change is the only constant.” — Heraclitus

Thoughts and concerns about motivation and time management can be applicable to everyone, as can many elements of my entries; but it is especially applicable to autodidacts who usually are having to structure the majority of their lives themselves. If you know what I am talking about, you probably know that, while you prefer the freedom, it can get quite overwhelming to have to handle your entire life yourself; sometimes you wonder if you are getting anything done!!

Since I’ve had nearly 20 years of this struggle, I have my own two cents (and a little more) to say on the matter. The following is just from my experience, and I am not saying everyone should Here are some initial things you can do:

First thing’s first: get away from stagnant distractions, like the phone, e-mail, Facebook, nagging or loud family members or friends, etc. It won’t be rude if it is for the sake of your sanity and productivity levels.

Focus on something else. Whatever you do, get your mind off of obligations, and things requiring concentration and attention which you are just not able to give the ideal amount to. What do you do instead? Doing something physical – going on a bike ride, a run, baking a cake, splitting wood: work with your hands. It frees your brain and gets toxins out.

Once you’ve done that, then get it out – take an indefinite amount of time and write or talk to someone (if that someone does not mind) about whatever is on your mind. Detox your brain. Maybe you met a guy the other day and he thought you guys hit it off (you didn’t) and keeps calling you; this could be hindering your ability to be productive. Get it out.

If there is too much on your mind, it really does crowd your ability to concentrate. I noticed this when I didn’t journal for three days after journaling every day for three and a half weeks. My mind needed to sort through the occurrences of those days, as well as all the thoughts which had accumulated more and more every moment of those three days.

After distracting yourself and doing some spring cleaning:

Prioritize. Make lists (which can be structured in any way you wish; “list” is just an easy, generic term for whatever form of physical sorting works for you)of everything you feel like you need to do. This could be gotten out in the journaling if you did that as your detox. Don’t worry about getting everything in order. Just write down everything you feel like you need to do, or want to do, in the next day, week, or month (a month is probably the largest amount of time for which you should make detailed, prioritized plans).

Once you’ve made the list or lists, decide what is really important to you on them. Depending on time frames, others’ dependence on you, the immediacy, and other such factors, pick between 3 and 5 top priorities (oftentimes, 5 could still be spreading yourself too thin; for your own sake, try to keep it minimal). An example:

1. Wedding planning with Emily
2. 30 hours/wk at Best Buy
3. Training for the 10k in 3 weeks
4. Cooking through all Mollie Katzen’s cookbooks

This is what mine looks like at the time of writing this entry:

1. My housecleaner work-trade at The Ashland Hostel
2. Daily customer service for Sudoku Professor
3. Blogging for Life Without College
4. Writing and finishing a novel in 30 days

It is a little tempting to look at these priorities and commit yourself to them and nothing more. By no means must this happen! Give yourself a break. That is where the other things on your general “to do” list come into play. In your spare time, read “The Thirteenth Tale.” (Really. It’s amazing, and I am not getting paid to say that.) Journal, paint, or dance. Spend time with loved ones. Just always remember your priorities. Write them down and tape them on your bathroom mirror; whatever it takes.

This process can be done as many times as you need to. It may need to be done only once a month, or once every two months; or every other week, every week… it really does not matter, as long as you stay productive and sane.

By “productive,” I mean your definition of productive. The process is to make sure, for your sake, you get done what you need and want to. If you need to, I find that writing the ultimate goal next to the priority, or even the penultimate goal, or any relevant goal at all helps. It keeps the bigger picture in mind, and reminds you WHY these are the priorities in the first place.

- Wedding planning with Emily = BECAUSE I want her wedding to go down like she wants it to
- 30 hours/wk at Best Buy = BECAUSE I need money so I can travel to Thailand and work with elephants
- Training for the 10k = BECAUSE I want to be in shape, run and finish a race, and be better at running in general; BECAUSE I want to work up to running marathons by the time I am 26
- Cooking through Mollie Katzen’s cookbooks = BECAUSE I want to know how to cook many different things and therefore have the capacity to go to culinary school if I decide I want to
- Housecleaner work-trade = BECAUSE I can help out the owner of the hostel in the summer season and so I can have somewhere to stay till I leave for NY
- Sudoku Professor = BECAUSE I need to support myself, and to help out the family business
- Life Without College = BECAUSE I am passionate about this subject, want to get the word out, and now I have a following to stay loyal to!
- Novel in 30 days = BECAUSE I love writing, would like to get better, and I am very inspired in Ashland, Oregon

Making these lists works for me because I have goals that need to be concrete, and in front of my face; if goals are just floating around aimlessly in my brain, I cannot possibly focus on them. I am also an extremely flexible person – if I don’t watch myself, I will simply float off in whatever direction the wind is blowing. Going through this process and making these lists every couple of weeks keeps me grounded, while at the same time still allowing for spontaneity and plans to change, because I didn’t schedule anything. I only prioritized, which works best for me.

I would think this would work for an extremely non-flexible person as well. If anyone reading this is a super-organized person, I would love to know your thoughts on my little process. Do you think it (or something similar) would work for you? To me, it seems like a middle ground – something that, perhaps, could balance both the exceptionally flexible and the exceptionally scheduled. It creates more structure in the spontaneous person’s life; likewise, I would assume it could create more spontaneity in a structured person’s life.

Let me know what you think! What are some of your own ways of being more structured, or more spontaneous? Have you found strategies for clearing your mind, prioritizing, and finding motivation, which work for you?

~Jess